The Eight Circles of Hell–Urban Modern Day Edition


The First Circle

A hardwood floor room you have to eternally traverse barefoot that someone swept up a broken wineglass from three months ago, and there's still a tiny splinter left.

The Second Circle

Trying to browse Wikipedia, but every link you click generates yet another pop-behind browser advert.

The Third Circle

Filled with people who are all typing essays you have to edit, who are misusing the words irregardless, their/they're, your and you're continuously.

The Fourth Circle

…is devoted to cupboards of spice jars with less than a pinch left in the bottom.

The Fifth Circle

Is full of IKEA furniture you have to assemble.

The Sixth Circle

Driving through a busy town, trying make left turns at badly timed traffic lights, forever.

The Seventh Circle

Involves disassembling all the furniture you built in the 5th circle, but you discover that when you assembled them, you stripped every single last screw head.

The Eight Circle

This is a room where you continually have really bad cystitis, and the only thing to drink is milk that smells like it might have gone sour but you can't really tell.

(with a tip o’ the hat to Evie Marzec for the idea for the 5th circle of hell that spawned it all)

About the author

Simon Cooke is an occasional video game developer, ex-freelance journalist, screenwriter, film-maker, musician, and software engineer in Seattle, WA.

The views posted on this blog are his and his alone, and have no relation to anything he's working on, his employer, or anything else and are not an official statement of any kind by them (and barely even one by him most of the time).

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