I like my coffee like I like my blog… ignored, and not refreshed for months at a time… | Accidental Scientist

I like my coffee like I like my blog… ignored, and not refreshed for months at a time…

So a while back, I decided that I had to (for the practice, and hell of it… after all, I like to pretend I’m a writer and occasionally venture into the realm of comedy) write 10 new “I like my coffee…” jokes that I’d never seen before.

My favorite to date had been one I’d seen on the T-Shirt of a QA guy at Surreal who liked to suspend himself from hooks (yes, people actually do this kind of thing, for fun… well, for fun and potentially sexual thrills, although I never asked him).

“I like my coffee like I like my women – ground up and in the freezer”. Which is deliciously dark and funny and Dexter-y all at the same time.

So here’s my list… Some are more risqué than others, some are surrealist, and some don’t work as well as I’d like, but the point of the exercise was to do it, period. Kind of like masturbating, but with a thesaurus. Enjoy!

I like my women like I like my coffee – scalding hot and in my lap.

I like my women like I like my coffee – black, bitter and Ethiopian.

I like my women like I like my coffee – lovingly prepared for me before I get there by a Starbucks Barista.

I like my women like I like my coffee – with whip.

I like my women like I like my coffee – rich, strong and bold.

I like my women like I like my coffee – cold after sitting alone for three days in my car.

I like my women like I like my coffee – eye-opening and slightly nutty.

I like my women like I like my coffee – locked in a cabinet at work.

I like my women like I like my coffee – coming out of my nose!

I like my women like I like my coffee – sold to me by a guy with gauged ears.

… and of course, some of my friends had to dive in too…

Greg Alt: I like my women like I like my coffee – fresh, and noisily grinding in the morning.

Adam Hextall: I like my women like I like my coffee – low priced, and conveniently located – like airports and train stations.

Anton Urban: I like my women like I like my coffee – full of alcohol!

Steve Smith: I like my women like I like my coffee – full of spunk!

You should bear in mind that Steve’s English. That last one means waaaaay different things to those in the UK & Australia, vs those in the US. Ah, cultural differences. Smile

About Simon Cooke

Simon Cooke is a video game developer, ex-freelance journalist, screenwriter, film-maker and all-round good egg in Seattle, WA. The views posted on this blog are his and his alone, and have no relation to anything he's working on, his employer, or anything else and are not an official statement of any kind.
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