Get 'em while they're hot - Weighted Companion Cubes!

Woohoo! Valve has released Weighted Companion Cubes for you to buy!... and to celebrate this event, I (ahem) wrote a song...

[To the tune of Jonathon Coulton's Still Alive...]

Aperture science
We sell you our cubes because we can
To the people out there who
Liked Portal…

They’re really quite awesome
We made them from felt and bits of fluff
Buy one right now straight from us
Maybe wear one on your head…

If you buy one today we will throw in a rake
And a catalytic cracker and maybe some cake
If you only buy one
We still have half a ton
For the people who still want to buy…

They’re really quite fluffy
Buy two and hang them in your car
Right above your dashboard it’s so sexy.
Or use them as keychains.
And jangle them with your keys, ha-ha.
Show them to your friends because they’ll be so happy for you

Now these faux companions are a beautiful sight
If you need a quick gift they’re the best you will find
And we know that you’ve yearned to get one but were spurned
Quickly buy now for two-nine-ninety five.

Go ahead and buy one
You know you can’t help it, so buy five
Maybe you can build a wall with Velcro.
Could make a fort too
Just buy several hundred ha-ha, ha-ha
Anyway, these cubes are great
They’re just so friendly and warm.

Look at them they’re light grey with bits of pink too
If we had any male ones they would have bits of blue
And we could breed them by the tonne
Or we could breed them just for fun
Sell them for twenty nine ninety five…

Sell them all twenty nine ninety five

Buy them right now twenty nine ninety five

Squishy not plastic twenty nine ninety five

They will run out twenty nine ninety five

Ninety five…

About the author

Simon Cooke is an occasional video game developer, ex-freelance journalist, screenwriter, film-maker, musician, and software engineer in Seattle, WA.

The views posted on this blog are his and his alone, and have no relation to anything he's working on, his employer, or anything else and are not an official statement of any kind by them (and barely even one by him most of the time).

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